011- Sex Myths Debunked

April 4, 2017

In today's episode, Brenda and I discuss fantasies.  It is very apparent that hers involve some act of service or chores done around the house.  Her requests might seem a little off, but they sure make her happy.

Then we get into the meat of the show, five sex myths debunked.  I'm sure you've heard them one time or another.  Let's set the record straight

Sex Myth 1 - Size Matters

Most men that we've met in the past are really concerned about the size of their penis, but in all reality, it doesn't matter.  It is about the motion of the ocean and whether the penis is compatible with the size of a woman's vagina.  According to Men's Health, A big penis and a small vagina are not a happy combination.

Sex Myth 2 - The "G" Spot isn't there

As a matter of fact, all women have a "G" spot.  Brenda explains its exact location.  With a little bit of research, your partner can figure it out.  If you do not have someone to investigate your body with, there are also plenty of toys on the market that are specifically geared towards stimulating the "G" spot. 

Sex Myth 3 - Most women won't orgasm vaginally

This is true.  Only 30% of women can experience an orgasm vaginally.  Most of the stimulation is done through the clitoris since its full of more nerve endings than all of the male parts combined.  

Sex Myth 4 - The pull out method is a contraceptive

So not true.  Men do experience pre ejaculation throughout intercourse.  It only takes one drop for a woman to get pregnant.  

Sex Myth 5 - Baby oil and Vaseline are okay lubricants

Definitely not with latex condoms.  The oil based lubricants can actually eat away at the latex thus breaking the condoms.  If you are you going to use anything, make sure it is water based like KY jelly.  

Finally, we announce the winner of the Ultimate Dating Basket Giveaway.  Thank you all who participated! 

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010-Ditch Dinner and a Movie! Get Some Creative Date Ideas

March 28, 2017

Time to dust off the ol' thinking cap.  Dinner and a movie dates are so played out, and it's time to switch it up a little, especially if the person you're dating you want to impress.

Val talks about her date with The Comedian where he arranged to meet her at a chocolate making class where you could bring your wine.  They talked, they laughed and made a mess with chocolate, but it was an absolute blast.  The night continued to some other random locations, but it was a sign of a great relationship.

Get your creative date ideas juices flowing

When thinking about new date ideas, consider places you can go to have the opportunity to be intimate with the other person.  Seriously think about creative date ideas.  Get a little competitive and go bowling or play pool.  Brenda suggests going to the gun range to get some frustration out and do something creative with your date.  Take a class together like Val.  Also, check out Painting with a Twist to get your creative juices flowing the drinks pouring.  Even try a wine tasting at Cooper's Hawk.

It's all about making a connection with that special someone.  It doesn't hurt to get a little bit out of your comfort zone to try something new.  Who knows, you will probably like it.  If the lady you're interested has an adventurous side, she will definitely be impressed by your effort to do something different.

The ideas are endless.  Most of all, it makes the time with that special person memorable for years to come.  

Happy Birthday to Brenda, as mentioned in the podcast, here's some photos of the cupcakes I baked for her. 

unicorn cupcakes, creative date ideas

Don't forget!  There's only a few days left for the giveaway!  Here's what is included in the grand prize

Here's a link to the giveaway!  Sign up today!

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009-Checking off the Red Flag Checklist

March 20, 2017

Dating can be scary especially when you're not prepared.  This week, I found this fantastic red flag checklist (click link here) that qualifies your date.  If you're looking for a long term relationship, this is a great guide to go by before it's too late.  You know, like when you realize that the guy was crazy four months into the relationship when you have already fallen in love.  Here are the basics: 

Red Flag 1 - Protecting Your Future

If you're planning to have kids, imagine your life with the person you're dating and the idea that your child will be like him.  The apple does not fall far from the tree.  Also, long term relationships mean, long term.  Can you imagine being with this person for the rest of your life?  Pull out your trusty notepad and get to work on your pros and cons list.  If your cons outweigh your pros, you better analyze your relationship.  Life is too short to waste it on someone who won't be there for the long haul.  

Red Flag 2 - Talking Yourself into a Relationship

There are so many instances in which friends of mine start to make excuses for their significant others.  Consider this your first red flag.  As soon as you say, well, he's just that way or creating this idealized image of your partner in your mind, then it's time to reevaluate.  This checklist is pretty comprehensive and breaks down the different levels that you would be talking yourself into a relationship. 

Red Flag 3 - Danger Signs

A violent relationship is a slippery slope.  Many women continually go into relationships where they are abused over and over again because they cannot break the cycle.  Nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4% and 48.8%, respectively). First and foremost, you deserve the very best partner ever.  Never deny yourself of that.  

If you are being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.  Recognize the signs early and find someone who will love you the way you deserved to be loved. 

Recognizing red flags is easier said than done.  We know that being consumed by lust, in the beginning, is a very exciting time but put yourself first.  

On a lighter note, don't forget about the Ultimate Dating Basket Giveaway!  We will be posting pictures this week of all of the items in the basket, so you know first hand what you will be getting if you are our lucky winner.

Good Luck and Happy Early Birthday Brenda!!

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008-Is it Better to Have Loved and Lost?

March 14, 2017

Brenda and I get a little deep today regarding a recent article by the Huffington Post called We Don't Always End up with the Loves of Our Lives, and that's okay.  I think it didn't sit well with me because it seems to have a negative connotation.  However, Brenda takes a little spin on the idea that it's okay to fall in love but we have to pick ourselves up and get back on our feet again.  All in all, the question is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

If you haven't read The Secret or saw the movie, I highly recommend it.  The idea of speaking positivity into our lives does resonate with me in that I believe if we do not let negativity in then only great things will come out.  Call me naive. However, I know that bad things happen but allowing those bad things to effect our everyday lives should not be the case.  Embracing the idea that potentially bad things can happen and using it as a tool for growth is Brenda's position.  Reality has a funny way of teaching us lessons so we can grow. 

Break ups are difficult.  We discuss our methods and what we do to get through a breakup.  Val loves to immerse herself in friends and a little bit of Adele while Brenda picks up some ice cream and Alanis Morisette.  Either way, loving someone is a very significant part of our lives.  We should not discount it because the relationship had a bad ending.  Having loved and lost is definitely the better answer in this scenario.  

Some very exciting news!  Tomorrow, I will be posting our very first giveaway.  The Ultimate Dating Basket has a little bit of everything to get you on the right track to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.  Check out details on ValsBytes.com.

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007-4 Ways Women Sabotage Relationships

March 7, 2017

Sometimes we get in our own way.  Women sabotage relationships and lose the opportunity to date really great guys.  On today's podcast, we open with a new segment called #ILoveYouBut where we talk about our husbands and things that might annoy us just a little bit.  Please join in the conversation and post your own #ILoveYouBut on Twitter.  We would love to read them for next Tuesday's podcast. 

Back to the show!  

Yes, I used to be a Commitophobe

When I was dating, it used to be easier to push men away than to even fathom the idea of becoming vulnerable to them.  Later in life, I realized that in order to have the relationship that I wanted, I had to open up and give that right to the person I thought that was worthy.  It all worked out for the best.  Sometimes things happen in their own time and we need to go through stages in order to find what we're looking for in another person.

I can't date him... he has a really big toe

Brenda talks about her huge laundry lists of things that she wants in a man.  I know we search for the perfect significant other, but sometimes we have to realize that person doesn't exist.  Narrowing down to a few "Must Haves" is the key to making it a little easier on yourself.  I like to say, he is not perfect but he is perfect for me.  

OMG, he hasn't texted back after 5 minutes!

Cool down ladies!  This is probably the biggest reason how women tend to sabotage their relationships.  Overthinking is definitely a killer.  Men are simple.  If they like you, they will express their feelings right off the bat.  They will show you they like you.  If they don't, then it will feel like you're chasing them through a rabbit hole.  Take a breather and enjoy your life.  If he's right for you, he will hit you up. 

I wanna get married in two years, have 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence

On a date, this is the ultimate fun killer.  A friend of mine used to say, let out a little crazy at a time.  It's okay to have that conversation about marriage and kids after a little time has passed but leave the first date to regular get to know you questions, laughter, and simply a good time.  Enjoy the moment and don't shove all your expectations down his throat all at one time.

*****

We are excited to announce that Love Bits & Bytes will be doing a giveaway of the ultimate date basket.  Details will be revealed on March 15th.  

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006-3 Ingenious Ways You Can Make Your Online Dating Profile Better

February 28, 2017

Happy Mardi Gras!  Creating an online dating profile can be a daunting task if you don't know exactly what to do.   Today, Brenda and Val gives you some tips on how to make your online dating profile stand out!

  1.  Take pictures that slay

    • It's important that the photos on your online dating profile represent who you are as a person.  If you like to be out with your friends, show a picture of you with your gals.  If you like ComiCon, show a picture of you at ComiCon.  The first thing someone sees when they see your profile is you and what you're all about.  If you post a provocative picture, then the outcome will be likely that the person on the other end probably wants to get in your pants.
    • The photo is a representation of who you are.  Take some time and make the picture count.  Brenda suggests getting one of your friends to take some shots with a professional camera.  That will give you the opportunity to put your best foot forward and create a profile that speaks to who you are physically with some personality tossed right in.
  2. K.I.S.S.

    • There is no need to write long, elaborate essays about yourself on your online dating profile.  Some things are better left to the imagination or the third date.  Keep it simple silly (in journalism school it's not silly, it's stupid, but I wanted to be nice).  You want to portray who you are in no more than one or two short paragraphs.  Hit the highlights of who you are as a person.  For example:

      I'm a single, independent woman who loves to travel.  Some of my favorite places highlight history and adventure.  I am also a dog lover who enjoys taking her pup out to the park every weekend.  Move over boys; I love football too.  I'm a die-hard New York Giants fan.  I'm looking for someone who likes adventure like I do and isn't afraid to make friends.

    • What I said was that I'm an adventurous person who loves animals and wants a partner in crime.  That's it.  No fluff.  No crazy family history.  Keep the profile upbeat and about the things you love.
  3. How to break the ice

    • After you've written the most amazing, bomb profile and you have the best pictures, the next thing to do is start reaching out to someone who peaks your interest. Take a moment to use their pictures and profile as ammo.  If they have a picture of them traveling, then comment on their traveling.  Guys, please don't go straight to the anatomy and say more than, "Hey!"  A woman loves a man that can make her laugh.

If the process still seems a bit confusing or you need a little help, feel free to reach out to us at val@valsbytes.com or brenda@valsbytes.com.

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005-It’s All About Timing and Chemistry

February 20, 2017

There are two elements to get a good, quality relationship started.  It's all about timing and chemistry.  When both are in place, it seems relationships go a little bit more flawlessly than you might have anticipated.  It's true when you know you know, and the timing will be right.

When is it the right time?

Sometimes we meet people in our lives for a reason.  You might have the best chemistry with a particular guy, but in the end, he doesn't make a move because something might not be right.  Brenda and I discuss Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  In there he describes the 3 P's man needs to have before embarking on a relationship which is provide, protect, and profess.  Instinctively, if a man, for whatever reason, does not feel he's at the capacity to provide for his family, he might distance himself from the relationship.  Not to discredit any gender roles but this is something that is engrained in him from how he was raised and his primal instinct to be the head of the household.

Another scenario is when one of the parties has just gotten out of a relationship.  They might not feel emotionally ready to get into a new one.  As the saying goes, if you love something, let it go and if comes back, it's yours.

Good on paper

During one episode of our beloved Sex and the City's Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women, Carrie meets a doctor who is good on paper but there is no chemistry.  Regardless of how much she pushes to make it work, the butterflies in her stomach do not appear.  Loving relationships need chemistry.  Something to make your heart do backflips when you see the person open the door or puts a smile on your face when they simply touch your hand.  It's that thing we can't explain.  Without that, then we're just settling for what is good on paper.

Timing and chemistry are two of the most important things to fulfill prior to starting a relationship.  

On another note, if your life were a romantic comedy, which one is it?  Let us know in the comments.  We would love to hear from you. 

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004 - The Best of Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2017

Valentine's Day is finally here.  We know many of you might think of today as Singles Awareness Day, but in today's episode, we debunk that idea.  Just a warning, there is some wine involved in this conversation, so there will be some great tangents.

Both Brenda and I have our favorite experiences when it comes to this highly popularized day. Our best experiences differ in who we spent it with.

Brenda discusses how on one Valentine's Day, she spoiled herself.  Don't be afraid to go and take yourself out.  A day of primping, spoiling and indulging never hurt anyone.  The best date you could probably have is with the person you love the most, yourself. She recounts a day that she took herself to the nail salon, bought some great food, and had the best time of her life.

Val talks about her favorite date which happened to be with the Comedian.  It's all about the experience.  Once, he took her to this quaint Italian restaurant where they were welcomed by an older Italian gentleman with a robust "Buon Notte!"  The restaurant was crowded, and the meal was great.  But what took the night over the top was the accordion player who could play anything you wanted, including "Hot Line Blink."  It was an amazing experience to watch him get requests and play them with no problem.

If anything, plan a Galentine's night with your girls.  Get together one night with food, wine, and Sex and the City.  Granted, after a few glasses of wine, you might end up having Sex and the City play in the background, but it will be totally worth it for a gab session with your gals.

Whether you are spending Valentine's Day with yourself, you're significant other, or your gals, make time to embrace an opportunity to indulge in the holiday.  Yes, you should do it every day but isn't it nice that you can make an excuse to do it today?

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003-5 Ways to Change Up Your Bedroom Routine

February 6, 2017

Want to spice up your bedroom routine just in time for Valentine's Day?  This episode is for you!  Our in-house Pure Romance sales representative, Brenda, shares with you secrets to getting your man all hot and heavy.  We want your experience to be enjoyable.

  1. Change Positions

    1. Sometimes missionary can get, boring.  There's an app for that.  But if anything, invest in a Kamasutra book and try some new positions.  All you need to do is find an opportunity with your partner to express that you are looking to do something different.  Then, as a couple, pick out some new moves that you would be interested in trying.  The activity will get you two in the mood as well as excited that you are doing something together.  The bedroom routine does not have to be mundane; it can be fun.
  2. Use Some Accessories
    1. You do not have to venture into bondage.  Couple toys can be a lot of fun if your partner is willing to experiment with you.  Again, shopping together as a couple provides an intimate experience for both of you.  Experimenting with these accessories give you something to look forward to when you get in the sack.  If you're interested in learning more about the different types, contact Brenda@valsbytes.com or visit her Pure Romance website.  There will also be a link at the end of the blog.
  3. It's Okay to Plan  
    1. Scheduling sex does not take the romance out of the action.  Planning at the beginning of the day will give you the opportunity to tease your partner throughout the day.  It builds a foreplay for the actual event. Even getting excited to use a new accessory at the end of the day will bring new light to your bedroom routine.
  4. Sexting
    1. Get enticed with your husband.  You want to keep the passion alive.  By sending each other messages throughout the day, you have the opportunity get the juices rolling.  Don't be afraid to share intimate pictures with your lover.  We do warn you not to show your face just in case "Big Brother" is watching but get your man enticed for what is coming.
  5. Consider Oral
    1. Performing oral is a mindset.  Consider purchasing an accessory to help make the experience more pleasing if it's not necessarily your cup of tea.  There are creams out there that make it taste better and help with a gag reflex.  Also, hold your partner's gaze to get him extra turned on.  This will get them going in the moment so you can get into the act of making love.

We want you to enjoy your time with your partner and keep the spice alive in the bedroom.  To check out some products, visit Brenda's Pure Romance site at www.pureromance.com.  

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

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002- How Online Dating has Changed Relationships FOREVER

January 31, 2017

Being part of the older end of the Millenial generational spectrum, Brenda and Val discuss what dating used to be like in the 1990s.  The internet has changed dating in a way that was not fathomed not even two decades ago.  Both Brenda and I met our husbands on a dating app.  We wouldn't have it any other way.  However, when we were both in high school, things were very different.

You could call a service in Puerto Rico to send a message to a pager.  However, I remember in the states, my classmates were getting pages throughout the day and using the payphones to get to the person who was trying to reach them.  Also, I remember that when I liked a boy, I would either have to sit by the phone and twiddle my thumbs as I am waiting for them to give me a call.  The anxiety could be unbearable.  It's like in that movie; He's Just Not That Into You, one of the characters sat next to her phone, making sure the cord was still attached.

Now, we have the ability to get information within seconds.  Instead of getting a phone call while you're at home, you can get a text or email from the person that you're into.  Not only that, you can use an app to find someone to date.  Tinder and Badoo had made it possible for everyone to secretly and superficially swipe left or right to pick the person who is your match (or at least your match for that night).  The world has become flat in the sense that distance is not an issue when it comes to finding the person of your dreams.  Online dating is just another way to meet someone.

We discuss meeting someone at a bar and your safety.  Angel shots is a way to let your bartender know that you might be in trouble or your date is a bit a shady.  Check out this link for more information.  

A few weeks back I shared an infographic from Carvaka on how much online dating has become the norm in the last two years.  If online dating is not your thing, let us know how you're meeting people.  We would love to hear your story!

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